How To Begin Building Confidence…

Often, a lack of confidence may stop you doing something you want to do, choosing a direction you wish to go, or making a decision that would be best for you – after all, making a ‘wrong’ choice is not something you want to do, right?

Over time, you then begin to doubt your decision making processes, stalling your progress, and beating yourself up for not doing anything at all.

So what happens then? Once you start to doubt yourself, you may begin to double/triple/quintuple² check those decisions next time, and the time after that, and so on and so on; you cast your mind into the future and think of all that might go wrong with those decisions, all the worst case scenarios, and then when you don’t make a decision at all, you think back and rue the fact that you didn’t do something, anything at all, and now you’ve wasted precious time going nowhere fast.

And the cycle continues.

If that’s you, don’t be so hard on yourself – it’s ok to have been like this (see how I sneakily put this into past tense MroHohohohoho), because it’s natural for your brain to be wary of danger, bad situations, negative options. Why?

So that you can try to avoid them.

It’s a system that’s been perfected over gazillions of days and years (that’s if you believe in evolution); a system that has you checking up and down the road in case a 10-tonner decides it wants to make a pancake of you, or historically, has you all fired up and running at the first smell of recently delivered ‘lion scent’ on the nearest tree. In other words, ‘this is bad – avoid at all costs’.
So, well done – your senses are in perfect working order.

But.

In this more modern world where we are not being eyed up to be the next meal, we ideally want to have a little more control over those senses, and you really want to be using the part of your brain that focuses on a ‘better you’, and ‘where I want to be’, and de-arousing those parts of your brain that focus on ‘not being where you don’t want to be’.

Here’s two alternative patterns of thinking that might work for you…

1 – We none of us can tell the future. Nobody. Not a single person on this planet. So instead of creating a false future with your negative wormhole ‘what if’ thinking, pick one, either, whichever, and give it all you’ve got. Don’t think it through to the bitter end. Pick. Set the first step. Action the first step. Then look for the next step beyond.

Once you’re rolling, you may well realise there may not be a ‘wrong’ direction after all. Trust your judgement – you’ve narrowed it down to a small handful of options anyway, and if it’s so hard to distinguish which to go for, you could possibly be getting caught up in the smallest ‘degrees of right’, and then missing out on the whole lot. Trust – Pick – And Go.

2 – Exercise your mind into creating and comparing the ‘best case scenarios’ in your options.
You may find this harder than the alternative ‘worst case’ thinking, as this is often a road less travelled.
Focus your thoughts on ‘where you want to be’, over ‘where you don’t want to be’. What ‘could be good’ over ’what might go wrong’, and pick the better option that immediately comes to mind.
And again, set the step, take the step, set the next.

The more you do this, the more you begin to restore your confidence, trust your choices, and who knows, you may even achieve what you want.

As Martin Luther King once said, “you don’t have to look at the whole staircase, just the first step”.

26 thoughts on “How To Begin Building Confidence…

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